How it Started
I began making art (mostly drawing and painting with acrylics and water colors) when I was in middle school. I did not enjoy trying to draw from memory because it never turned out as good as when I used a reference picture. I was taught the grid scale technique to be able to draw the picture as close to the reference as possible. At the time, I do think this practice really helped me learn to be patient while drawing and to pay very close attention to all the small details that make up a picture. However, it made drawing from memory REALLY challenging for me because I could not imagine the bigger picture in my mind.
So how does that relate to my creative process? While that practice did help me develop my drawing skills, it did not further my creative eye. It took me years after high school before I started to see objects as shapes, really thought about how color and light interact with each other, and making my own textures and compositions that catch a viewer's eye. This is where I find myself today.
Creating from Memory
Being able to draw or paint from my mind is something that I've always wanted to do, but never felt confident in my ability to do so. Nothing ever looked right. I was known for being good at drawing, but could not produce something good on command unless I had a picture I was copying. I hated that. I always feared people would think I thought I was better than I really was. Can you relate?
I don't know why being able to draw and paint well from memory is a skill I desire to have. Maybe it's because I think that all the best, most famous, artists can do that. Maybe it's because I think I would feel more confident in my artistic abilities if I could do that. Or maybe I think it will make me more impressive to others.
I would like to hope that my ambitions for developing that skill are wholesome and genuine. I feel a little ashamed for having some selfish undertones.
For now, I am going to recognize that they are there and be okay to sit with the thought, "There are many artists who are better than me. They have more skill, more education, and more practice. They are more successful than I am. That's okay. Does this make me a bad artist?".
Learning as I Go
I am hesitant to share this blog because it feels a little vulnerable. As I type my thoughts out, thoughts that I am actually letting myself process for the first time, I am discovering parts of myself that I wish were different. But rather than spend any more time feeling down about myself, I want to recognize how far I've come.
I still wouldn't say that I am very good at drawing and painting images from memory, but it's been a long time since I've used the grid scale technique! I use reference photos a lot (which is not a bad thing!), but I just use them as a starting point now. I might change the colors, the composition, or even take out or add things to it. I might use one aspect of a reference photo and then come up with the rest on my own. This is really exciting for me!
I have really enjoyed processing my entire life so far through the different images I choose to recreate. One day, I hope to create images that reflect my feelings towards my life experiences and memories (personally, this would require me to paint more from memory).
I am thankful that I have managed to make time in my life to create more. It feels good to do something with my hands and exercise my brain in a much needed way. There's so much that I want to learn and many areas I want to grow in. Thank you for being a part of this process with me.